manic mind, trepid heart.

My mind is an incessnat clock. It never stops and as much as I love the ability to escape into the unkown that haunts my dreams. I cant allow it to pull me in as its done before. I wish I could make it stop. It hurts to think about you. It burns to think about you . Its unfair to think about YOU. These are all seperate people I think about constantly. I miss these people, I need these people. You are my heart, you are my brain, YOU are my soul. Im nothing without you. 

Im back to the beginning once again. Right back to the 16 year old girl who hid behind things to slip under the radar. I never wanted to be this person again. One who is afraid, not afraid..crippled by the hauntings of her past. One who cannot look at herself in the mirror because the reflection staring back at her is pleading and desperate. One who cannot remember why she ever loved anything. One who would rather crawl into the dark than live. One who told you she loved you and didnt mean it. One who used you as an escape. One who looks at people who love her with disgust and enmity. One who lets the bitterness burn her soul and dry out her mouth. One who is giving up and giving in. 

I cannot say it will all get better because that is what I said then and almost 4 years later Im faced with same problems but different, worse. Years should bring strength, knowledge, hope. These things were stripped of me when the trigger was switched. Everything has to happen for a reason or Im going to be a zombie with a manic mind and trepid heart forever.

please come and take me away, i do believe its time.

___________ i dont know who wrote this.