Im not going to apologize

Someone once told me that everyone in your life will disappoint you. There are very few people in my life who have not disappointed me. But is that my fault? I like to blame myself for the people who have hurt me. Its easier to blame myself, it hurts less. If I didnt blame myself that would mean I'd have to admit you are all shit. Im not going to apologize for holding you all higher than you deserve. Im not going to apologize for seeing your beauty instead of looking at the blisters and scars the monsters have left on you. I guess its not your fault that you were created to be hateful selfish people. I promised myself I would never abandon any of you. The love I have for you burns the back of my throat and tastes bitter in my mouth. Its something I ignore because I shouldnt love you. Im not going to apologize for caring about you. But I will apologize for letting you get to me. for allowing you to cripple me. allowing you to make me cry. allowing you to take me soul. You'll never see how much I care. You will never see that Im holding you up while you continue to push me down. You will never see that I will kill and die for you. You will never see that I love you unquestionably while you hate me unthoughtfully. So please do it for me continue to talk about how selfish I am. How dramatic I am. How reckless I am . How insignificant I am. All these things make me love you more. For some reason I love monsters, and god knows you all are.

For those who do love me for me. I cant give you much. But I promise to keep my eyes on you only. I will never look at the monsters that lurk in my shadows. I will love you for loving me the way i deserved to be loved. I will do everything in my power to get us what we deserve. I will carry your heart with my forever. And I will leave a piece of mine with each of you. So sleep, dream, live, love, believe because I am fighting off those monsters for YOU. 

I love you undying forever.