i had to stop myself

"Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something that I should have never thought" 

Breathe in, breathe out. Where does the time go? I swear I close my eyes and then I open them and a week flies by. And I have no idea what I did or where I was. All I know is that my spirits are high, oddly. I feel safe. I feel like that people were brought to me or brought back to me so that I could breathe again. I wouldn't feel happy or safe without them. 

This month has been a blur. Constant moving. I haven't stopped. Bluuuuuur. I can remember only certain things, and its not because its been constant partying or anything...its just so much has been going on. I have made some amazing new friends, found a new best friend, got an old best friend back, became closer to my other best friends. I have been on some crazy adventures. Given a lot away and been given a lot more. Had my eyes closed then re-opened. Had my heart ripped out of my chest then put it back together. Its been a crazy month, and even though there were tears, regrets, questioning, heartbreak and way to much alcohol I will never be the same in a good way because of it. 

work, marina, bar, long beach, my bed, driving, crying, love, work, marina, broadway, best friends, my bed, driving. rinse and repeat my life. 

All I know is that Im a new person and I like the person I am becoming. Im no longer the person who leans on everyone else to stand. I no longer need reassurance from everyone. I don't feel the need to answer to anyone. Im truly becoming Molly. Its taken me a very long time to get to where I am and I refuse to be broken again. Im going to make the right decisions to protect me and my heart. And this is where it all begins. October 2008 I believe has changed my life. Thank you to all who were involved. Let the good times roll.

"And in that moment I felt infinite."