broken unfocused unwilling forever

I wrote these two things one when I was half asleep at 3:30 in the morning and the other when I had 8 glasses of wine at 2 in the morning. Both haunt me. Both are my mind stripped down of any inhibition. These are pieces of writing that make me oddly and tragically the most moved and proud. Both were written for no one in particular. Just people who obviously touched me.

wine:

I guess it was that time when they all talked and my eyes and heart went out of focus and I thought of you. When you filled the space and time that continues to repeat the haunting of my lonliness. That time when I couldnt remember what it was like to fight the sides of me I dare not show the light of day, dare not show the kings and queens that reign my country, dare not show the angels who kiss my silence when you were here. I guess it was that time when you were here, and i wasnt there. That time substance, light, fight, hate, jealousy, nothing was there, when you were here. I'll sit here unfocused, forever. 

half-asleep...but then again not really:

How is it possible that you love me? You stand so tall, so elegant, so strong. When I lay broken and unwilling at your feet. You who shouts your love from the mountains edge. While I stand and watch below waiting for a piece of the mountain edge to break and send you rolling down its side. But you who looks deep into my soul with those eyes. those dark eyes that dont blink with regret or glance to the side with hesitation. I beg for your love, but will never understand why you've given it to me.

M.