you hope

people talk all around you. you sit and listen. leave the room come back and they are talking about different things but it all sounds the same to you. you say something and hope that at least one head will turn and the light hits the back of their eyes in just the right way. you hope you see that they are alive behind those dark eyes. you hope they send you a signal saying they understand, they are scared, that one day they will take your hand under the table and run. you hope they will tell you that they never heard what the rest were saying. you hope that they will laugh with you about the ignorance of it all. they will say that they enjoyed your "act" but they saw the real you the whole time. because they saw you, they caught the light behind your dark eyes they promised themselves they would never leave you. they would let you run because that is what you do but they will spend their whole life running right behind you and love it.

that person hasnt turned their head yet. but they will. i will look into every eye hoping to catch the light in their eyes and when that day comes i will be ready. 

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Everyday I have a new outlook on things. I act like I know what I want but I really really dont. If I could i would have all of best friends under one roof in portland and we would drink wine and play records and listen to the rain and do everything we were intended to do. I know I wont ever have quite that, but I know I could have part of that. Im amazed everyday how well my friends know me, actually Im more embarassed. The things that I try to keep on lock down are the things my friends know the best about me. I suppose that is a really really good thing. Im going to continue to look to that future and try to stop being a coward. Everything DOES happen for a reason and i feel you are a reason, so lets do this. 

M. 

different day, same feelings.