no one is laughing.

There you are, in all of your pathetic glory. I felt you coming. I always know the times. It is the moments when I should be happy, when I should be content and yet something in the back of my mind sends chills down my spine. When I do everything in my power to distract myself from the fact I see your face in the crowd, I hear your voice in my ear, feel your touch at night. But you're never actually here. And yet here you are. Whispering in my ear. Pushing me to my limit. Im not strong and you know that. I need you more than I want you. I had broken free before. But you seem to always know when I fall because there you are to pick me up. I dont need you. I did not fall. There was a time we had it all. Because of you none of them will be good enough. Because of you I will never be good enough. I will settle and I will be mediocre.

This isnt what was supposed to happen. I shouldnt be here. We should be happy. You did this. I miss you so much. I'll always love you. But not you now, you then. You who were mine, and I was yours. I cant love someone who is dead. Rest in Peace the great love of my life.

M.